Brian speaks from the Cod's Head ...

ANOTHER GUEST BLOG FROM BRIAN, THE LANDLORD OF THE CODS HEAD.




Few changes have taken place at the Cod's Head since my last post on the subject, except that a new variety of "Cheezy Snax" is now available at 65p a bag. Brian has had a nasty cold but is now feeling much better thanks to "Lemisuks".






The following is transcribed as best I can from a noisy recording, and without too much censorship.



"Wimmin!! - don't get me going on about wimmin!! - - -



Don’t get me wrong old man. I love wimmin, always have loved wimmin. Lived with em all my life, wimmin! You can't live with em and you can't live without em, am I right? But you can never enjoy a moment's peace with wimmin around can you?

"Someone is doing nothing in this pub! Someone is just sitting about reading the newspaper when the shelves need filling!"

What they don't understand is that a man does a lot of thinking. He doesn't just bustle about looking busy and important, he conserves his energy by working out the best way to do things, right? Men don't live as long as women because they have to work a lot harder in actual fact.



And wimmin are horrible! I mean horrible to watch. Have you ever watched a woman eating one of those fruit yoghurt pots? Its disgusting; especially the way they sometimes suck half the stuff off the teaspoon, take a glassy eyed stare at it, then suck the rest off, probably while reading a magazine. Horrible to watch them spreading what looks like mayonnaise on themselves. Why is it do you recon that wimmin love any kind of yucky, creamy stuff - "BioActiveYoggy", Crème Caramel, Crème Brulee, Pannacotta, Tiramisu etcetera? And the stuff they put on their bodies, hair and faces!!!!



Yes Sir? - - Is that with ice and lemon? - - Old Peculiar - - no sir, no plain ones, only flavours, or there's pork scratchins - - Right - that'll be six pound twenty then squire - - - - thangyouverymuch!



Where were we? Oh yes, body lotions, creams and gels; did you know that in Britain, one point nine billion a year is spent on anti-aging cream and hair products, and it's not me buying it, or old Harry over there. Do you know, in the bathroom upstairs - - there's 38 plastic bottles of gloop altogether, - in all shapes and sizes. One point nine billion pounds a year!



It's my opinion that wimmin have weak brains. That’s why there are so many wimmin's magazines on the shelves. I tried to count em once, got to sixty seven and was getting a funny look from a large bossy looking woman. All full of articles and ads to get em to buy more gloop and more clothes.

Course - - wimmin have smaller brains than men, brains actually weigh less, everyone knows that, otherwise the world would be full of great female architects, famous wimmin scientists, Judges and whatnot. Of course there are a few of em, but if they haven’t made it by now, after three million years, they're never going to are they? Am I right? Course, they blame men for the fact that they don't get on - "Glass ceiling!" they cry. Well you can bust through glass! - right? Maggi Thatcher proved that, am I right? I think we're dominated by wimmin rather than the other way about don't you?



Equality? No such bloomin thing. Women get all the best deals if you ask me. Toilet seat up - toilet seat down? Women want it down, men want it up, so what's wrong with them leaving it up for us for a change? My brother was taken to the cleaners when he got divorced. She got everything and he had to go and live in a grotty bedsit. Still had to pay the mortgage mind you, for the house she was still living in with her new boyfriend! They expect you to open doors, buy the lunch, pay for dinner, bring flowers and chocolates, reverse back so they can pass, and think they are doing you a favour if they go to bed with you.



I tell you what - I'm coming back as a woman next time. - - - -



- - One point nine billion??!!"

Thought you might like this drawing - Raphael

I love the bum fluff on the chin!

Pip, pip, The Leg