Brian, landlord of the Cod's Head..

Work in progress:   Please suggest some sensible titles for the pieces folks.  Click on images to enlarge.

Brian is this weeks guest blogger once more.




“No, life has NOT become more dangerous my friends, and I’ll tell you why. Where are all the sabre-tooth tigers? Where’s your black death? See what I mean? If the world is so much more dangerous than it used to be, how come there are hundreds of times that many more people in it then? How come that in the last few thousand years the world population has grown and grown to the point where we’re eating our own rubbish? - grown to the point where we eat our own rubbish!

Do you know how much rubbish you eat in a year without knowing it? Fourteen kilos, that’s how much; - fourteen kilos of rubbish and about three thousand insects. - - The sea’s full of plastic bags. What we aught to do is make life a lot more dangerous, keep people on their toes, sharpen em up a bit.

Half the world’s starving coz the world isn’t big enough for em all right? You can’t make the world any bigger so what’s the answer then? I tell you what the answer is; make the population smaller, obvious right? What we need are more hazards, not less. Take away all the traffic lights and road signs for a start and put in a few pits and boulders. Make driving more fun too.

Stop all that aid to top up the Swiss bank accounts of African politicians and generals, and let em have a revolution if they don’t like their government instead of lettin em come here to whinge on about how hard done by they are.

Yes squire….. and one for Ted?

They’d starve for a bit of course, but if the population was reduced enough, was reduced enough right? There’d be plenty of food for the next generation, right! Do away with foreign aid and traffic lights for a start. No more free medicine for the third world right? Only keeps em alive to breed and starve later. Am I right?

Proper Job? three twenty - no squire, just pickled eggs.



No it’s not cruel is it? If it’s cruel, it’s cruel to be kind right? I’ll tell you what’s cruel, interfering with people’s lives and getting em to survive and live longer without giving them the education and the sense to have less offspring. We should never have walked out and left em to it of course. If the world was still coloured pink we wouldn’t be in such a mess right? - - HAVING left em to it, we should keep right out of it and let em get on with murdering each other.

See - - sterilisation and contraception isn’t working is it? How you going to sterilise half the world? Much easier just to stop all the aid. Stop all the aid and let nature take its course, - survival of the fittest right? No, life hasn’t got more dangerous has it? Risk adverse, risk adverse, that’s what we’ve all become. I can’t sell you a pork pie because I’m not allowed to. We used to have a nice little glass cabinet on the counter for pork pies and scotch eggs. That’s another thing! Do away with “use by” dates. What’s the matter with peoples’ noses nowadays? A good piece of cheddar ‘snot ready to eat until it’s well out of date, am I right?



Yes my love? --- -- four sixty five.



And building regs, health and safety, speed limits, MOTs, life guards, - get rid of em and we’d all be better off and save billions. We could get rid of traffic police, wardens, and whole government departments. The police aren’t much use anyway are they? Much better to keep a shotgun by the bed, that’s what I do, and a nice big hammer by the front door, see look - over there. I’d like to see some punk trying to get in at night and rob this place! I phoned them only the other night about some kids outside here at one in the morning, shouting and being sick. They hadn’t even heard of this village, never mind the pub! Said they were too busy to send a car out but would make note of it.

Save billions!”


Pip, pip,

The Leg.