Life in the Fast Lane

THE COD'S HEAD

Brian, landlord of the Cod's Head, was happy for me to record another blog as he feels he is "spreading the word".

“Look, I’ve got a car right? Not much of a car I will admit, but it’s mine right? So who is going to give up their car? Would you give up your car? Would you give up your car just so that other drivers can have more room on the road? Because you can be sure that you’ll be the only one. You’ll be the only one to give up his car voluntarily.







I tell you what, take speed cameras. Speed cameras are not there to stop you speeding. If everyone stopped speeding they’d collect no money would they? If nobody drove too fast they would have to think of another way to get more money right? Did you know that we have twenty seven CCTV cameras for every one in France? For every one they have in France, we have twenty seven! We’re a surveillance society my friends! - - It’s like MOTs. We never used to have MOTs and who ever heard of anyone being killed because of a cracked number plate? I’ve never heard of it have you?






Proper Job Squire?






Take my car. What’s the point of having a motor that can do a hundred and twenty five miles an hour if the top speed limit is seventy? I tell you what, do away with the speed limit and you would get less accidents. It’s slow driving that caused crashes, not your BMW doing a ton in the fast lane. If a car’s built to do a hundred and thirty it’s obviously safe for it to do a hundred and thirty, am I right? My car failed its MOT with Charlie because it had rust on one sill, so I had to pay to get it welded. How is rust on one sill going to cause me to crash my car?






No sorry, we’ve got pickled eggs…. No?






See, that’s what it’s like now. We used to do pork pies, keep em in a case on the counter right? Not any more you can’t; Health and Safety! Close me down they would, quick as a wink, take away my licence. A pickled egg could kill you just as quick as a pork pie - - or a crisp. Thousands of people die every year from toasters right? But you don’t hear em wanting to ban toasters do you, or microwaves? Fireworks are just the same. Every year there’s an outcry coz some idiot burnt hisself. Ban fireworks!






Anyway - - it’s not your car that causes global warming, it’s volcanoes, but they can’t ban volcanoes can they, so they want us to drive lectric cars that are gunna need dozens of more power stations, all spewing out more carbon. No such thing as climate change…. Climate has been changing for millions and millions of years right? That’s what it does climate, it changes; nothing to do with cars – or planes. - - - What about breathing then? All the animals on this planet are breathing right? That’s all carbon. Who is going to stop breathing?






Pint?”


Pip, pip...