Blood On The Walls

Showtime madness at artist’s "surgery" exhibition.

Blood on the walls is not normally expected at a ‘private view’, even if it is held at a doctor’s surgery. It is a large, modern building, light and airy and with plenty of wall space and a capacious car-park, and the ideal venue for exhibiting artworks. Unfortunately, some of the guests were perhaps over stimulated by the paintings and excited by the jazz piano of “Mad Max Turnbull”. Fighting broke out in two separate incidents, between guests competing over who should buy a particular artwork, or who had “bagged” it first. Luckily, this fracas resulted in only one fatality and two serious injuries. Other guests and two doctors were also only slightly injured while trying to part the protagonists.

Peter Wright would like to extend his heartfelt thanks to all who made the evening so very special. Special thanks must go to pensioner Mr L Lewis, who used the fire hose to great effect in finally subduing the violence.

There were 69 artworks on show including four amusing sculptural pieces featuring the usual explicit acts of bestiality. All the work was of recent vintage and fiercely experimental. The artist, Peter Wright, is well known for his unconventional treatment of provocative subject matter, which often displays the abstracted viscera of dumb beasts and the flayed torsos of Chinese criminals.

The artist said that it had been a most successful evening, during which ten pieces were sold and only three destroyed. The renowned art critic and connoisseur, Nick Saatchi was heard to say that he had never seen anything like it. Another well known guest, Ooaah Ngoma, said it was a “triumph!” In hindsight, it was perhaps unfortunate that a tray of surgical instruments amongst the gourmet finger-food had been overlooked. Concerned relatives should contact the surgery in the first instance.

Pip, pip, The Leg.